First off, good news: I put up my new zines in my Etsy shop earlier this week and a couple days later, I had my first sales! I couldn’t be more excited! AND I listed the first HellaScarf for sale today with more to come. What’s a HellaScarf? Well, you’d better go find out!
Also, Flickr!
ALSO, today, my chiropractor told me that my back is stable and I can start ramping up my exercise towards dancing again! Huzzah!
The not so good news: If only I could afford dance classes! But I’m on the hunt for more work and am hopeful. Things might be tight financially, but my life is rich in so many other ways.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to “be poor.” I have a childhood memory of standing in my parents’ bedroom, in front of my Dad’s tall, dark wood dresser, and asking, “Daddy, are we poor?” I don’t really remember why I asked. Maybe I was beginning to notice things like my Mom writing down every expense, or how some of my friends’ houses were a lot bigger than ours… I don’t remember feeling ashamed of this idea of “being poor” – I was just curious as to what it meant. I think Dad said something like, “No, but maybe we’re lower middle class.” Which kind of makes me laugh, now.
Now that I know more about the world, I realize what a privileged childhood I had and what amazing parents I have. I’ve always been in awe of how they paid for my education. I often ask myself, “How did they do it?” I’m not totally certain, but I’m pretty sure they’re not rolling in dough. What I think now is: they were careful.
I’m trying to be careful. Trying my darnedest by darning my socks and hoarding quarters for laundry. I budget. I make art and crafts to sell. I don’t have a car (thank goodness). I keep track of my debt because I WILL pay it off.
And I really don’t think I’m POOR. I see too many people on the streets of this city every day to even joke about it. But sometimes I look at my bank account and feel poor. Like most things in life, is “wealth” a state of mind? Money seems so concrete. And I don’t want to be RICH. I’d just like to get by – pay bills and buy groceries. And I realize now how much I’ve wasted on ridiculous things, or buying too much, when I didn’t need to – when I wasn’t so worried about money. Hindsight, you know… But hopefully the challenge is teaching me some very important lessons. And I can embrace a good challenge, right? Like my friend MB said recently, we yearn for stability, but there’s a lot to be said for embracing chaos.
No one likes talking about money, and I feel like that’s all I’ve been talking about lately with folks. I know I’ve been worrying about it a lot lately. But I’m also trying to not get depressed. Asking for help helps. And knowing that I’m driven and will figure it out somehow.
And remembering how much I do have. All the ways I am rich: family, friends, health, creativity, and this city. Oh, this city… I’m glad I’m here!
Hey love,
I dont know if I’ve ever been “poor” but there was a time when Nate and I both lost our jobs and were struggling each and every month to keep our house. I was depressed and scared of losing the house or never being able to have a family. Having no extra money meant we stopped eating out and buying clothes or other things we did not need. It meant we planned our meals and use coupons and ate things that were probably a little too past expired. It meant that we sold everything we had that did not need and we cashed in all our change jars. We were really close to losing everything. I remember there was a turning point when I stopped being upset about our situation and started embracing it. It was when I came home from work and Elwood looked at me with the I want to go on a walk look. I was tired and down and didnt want to take him but he persisted and we went anyway. As we were walking I marveled at how happy he was just to walk with me. I thought how nice it would be to be a dog and have no worries. How nice it would be to want nothing but a walk and meal and some company. And then I realized that I had everything I could ever need. We were not hungry, we were not cold or wet, we were not relying on anyone but ourselves and we were surviving. It was the best moment I can remember and even though the cash flow has improved I will allways look back on that year with fond memories and I hope I can always carry the lesson I learned from it.
Sorry to ramble on and on but I want you to enjoy this time because money is not the answer.
It was good talking with you tonight and I love and miss you.
Jenny
Hey love,
I remember this time when you and Nate were struggling, but I had no idea how close you were to losing everything. Thanks for sharing – I think it’s important to share stories of struggle. And of course, you are right – money is not the answer. The people in our lives who care about us are the answer! I am trying to enjoy this time, too, because really, there’s a lot to enjoy!
I love you and miss you too.
- LB
I absolutely identify with where you’re at. You and I have picked two of the country’s most expensive cities and least lucrative careers. Kind of bad combinations in the endeavor for peace of mind and financial stability. But it spawns creativity and resourcefulness. Living with less (to whatever degree) is not a disadvantage in my mind. I consider it a great skill to be able to identify and distinguish necessity from desire.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes it makes me yearn for Japan, where owning little more than a futon, table/heater thing, bike, and rice cooker is totally normal. But who says you can’t live like that in San Francisco, or New York, or Colorado and be perfectly content?
Ms. Julie McCabe,
It’s so good to hear from you! You’ve always inspired me. This time is really helping me reevaluate what things I “need” in my life. I definitely agree with you on the only needing the simple things – like in Japan! And I am pretty much living like that in San Fran, and despite the worrying, loving it. I don’t need stuff to live a good life – I just need good people and good food!
Thanks for the great comment. Keep in touch!
- LB
hey liz!
it’s been a while, I know… seems like I get caught up on one of my many online obsessions and I forget about others…
Did I just call you an obsession? ^_^;;;;
Anyhoo, I just added you to my Flickr contacts and I’m going to start looking through it all…
Congrats on the good news with your back.
You know, I think wealth is a state of mind. The first home I remember was this little apartment, but I never considered us poor. Of course, dad was upwardly mobile.
Today I’m in this little apartment on a copy editor’s wages, but I don’t feel poor.
Anyhoo…. I haven’t come up and said hello in a little while… sorry about that, crazy schedule…
Hey James,
Thanks for the Flickr add and comment! I know I feel lucky to have my own “little apartment.”
Hope you’re doing well.
- LB