The LifeArtDance of Liz Brent

Last night, Dr. M and I went out for dinner and drinks. We went to my neighborhood bar, which is literally around the corner from my apartment. Jay n’ Bee’s is quickly becoming a favorite. Last night I tried one of their pizzas, and become even more enamored. The #2 with garlic, Parmesan, and TONS of spinach was one reason. Delicious! But the enthusiasm and energy of the bartenders was the main reason. And it’s just so lovely to sit by the window and feel like, “This is my neighborhood.”

It’s true, 10 months of living in SF, and I’m just now starting to feel like I actually live here.

Next we went to El Rio, which I had never been to before, and loved it! It could’ve been the spacious back patio with wooden seats and trees, where we cuddled on a bench and gazed at the mini shrine festooned with fake flowers, Christmas lights, and various rusting odds and ends. It could’ve been the karaoke drifting on the night breeze. It could’ve been the dogs sitting with their owners, tail wagging excitement bubbling over at every new passerby. Or maybe it was my drink, “Purple Rain.” The special of the evening, the bartender scooped organic blueberries mashed into agave syrup from a mason jar on the counter into my glass, over ice, and added vodka and lemonade. “Only in San Francisco,” was my thought.

Whatever it was, I definitely was feeling in love with the city last night. Driving back home, I watched people crossing Bryant and realized I was no longer feeling like a tourist – a wannabe – in this town, but yes, like someone who lives here.

When confronted with a sudden onslaught of change (“when it rains, it pours”), and sometimes ensuing angst, I predictably do one, some, or all of the following things:

1. Call a friend for a good “talkin’ it out” session.

I wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time. I always feel better after getting it off my chest, getting out of my head, getting some release. Sometimes just being able to tell someone, “I’m struggling” is huge. Thanks to MB for listening this morning.

2. Cut my hair.

I’ve been cutting my own hair since my second year of college. It’s been really short since high school and usually needs trimming once a month at least. A good buzz cut is so therapeutic. The fauxhawk/emo bang I have these days offer a bit more a challenge… Hopefully I didn’t hack off too much today…  I guess it’s a work in progress…

3. Go for a hike in the woods.

This has been a major challenge in San Francisco. I was spoiled by growing up in Colorado, where the escape of wilderness was usually, sometimes literally, right outside my front door. Even living in Japan, a 5 minute bike ride could offer sweeping rice paddies and mountains on all sides. Here, getting to the “great outdoors” seems a bit more of a production. More so being car-less (no excuse, really, I KNOW, but there is the time constraint with a major bike ride). When I was living in the Castro, Buena Vista Park and Corona Heights Park offered excellent hikes for musing and get windswept. I hadn’t yet found that anywhere near my new apartment.

Yesterday, feeling the pressing need for escape, trees, physical exercise – to let my body do some of the thinking instead of my tired brain – I went for a walk, heading towards Potrero Hill, my closest “mountain,” determined for a climb! It took a bit of wandering to get there, and the discovery was worth it!

McKinley Square Park, perched on top of Potrero Hill, is officially my new favorite spot! You have to climb both stairs and a craggy hillside to get there. The pines and sandy dirt reminded me of Boulder. A father and daughter attempted kite flying in the small field next to the perfect playground. The views were utterly spectacular. My favorite part was discovering the Potrero Hill Community Garden. Steeped in a long history, and packed with overflowing plots. I wandered the paths and was comforted by the faces of friends: sunflowers, poppies, succulents, tomatoes, grasses, vines. I breathed in sunshine and was buffeted by the wind. I could smell the sea.

Oh, I’ll be going back there… it’s good to know that in my still newish neighborhood, comfort is nearby.

I’m curious to know what things other people do to ease stress, times of transition, and overwhelming worry. Do they too fall back on the reliefs they’ve used before? Is it possible to try new ones?

A year ago, I was starting a major transition in my life. I was living in Japan, getting ready for a trip to Thailand before my move back to the United States. In September 2009, I moved to San Francisco to pursue dance as my professional career.

Now, almost August 2010 and a year anniversary with San Francisco fast approaching, I am in the midst of another transition. I’m on a break from dancing to heal a chronic lower back condition. I have quit one of my part time jobs to the tune:

“I am an artist! It’s time to LIVE it. BE what I am, what I feel I’ve been training for my whole life. No longer will I put art in the background as a ‘hobby,’ I want it to be my way of life. I want to be a professional artist.”

I have lots of ideas of how to make that happen, but I’m not going to lie: I’m a little nervous.

The week following my last day at the little shop where I was working has actually been incredibly stressful. This isn’t vacation. Now I start working for myself and that means working harder than ever. It’s a time of true dedication and discipline.

One of the tasks I’ve set up for myself is the reconstruction of this website, and in general my entire online presence. This too feels scarier than it should. I have to remind myself that it’s not complete reinvention, it’s the process of continuing to discover who I want to be, who I am, and how I present myself and interact with the world.

I’ve been online apart of various communities since high school, yet sometimes I feel very lost in a cloud of my own creation. But as I grow up, it’s important to remember that life, and the Internet, is an experiment. So my LiveJournal account is almost 9 years old – if it’s no longer really reflecting me, then it’s time to try something new! If I’m unhappy with Facebook, what I can I do to make it work for me? Online social etworks are a tool and they should work for me, not feel like they’re taking over my life. I want to present my creative life in a manner that is professional, focused, but still ME: down to earth, quirky, rambling, poetic, vibrant, dancing through life in various ways and mediums…

I’ve always loved writing, journaling, drawing, moving, photography, art, poetry… so many forms and ways of expressions. Instead of trying to define and categorize them, this next step in my Internet experiment is to simply showcase each project as they are born and develop. Blog and portfolio, growing together.

As always, this is first and foremost for my family and family of friends, to share my life with them across distances.